Unplugged Parenting: My Journey As a Mom of Three

As a mother of three, I've never felt a stronger urge to instigate meaningful change, not just within my home but also for my community and those around me. It's crucial that we carve out spaces outside of screens—spaces where creativity can flourish, movement can thrive, and our inherent passions and purposes can be discovered. It's a wake-up call for all of us to pause, reassess our priorities, and lead by example for our children.

I have felt heartbroken by allowing screens to make such an impact in my children’s lives. I am robbing them of a real childhood, an opportunity to be “bored” and the chance to be truly present in this ONE precious life. At the beginning of 2024, I made the decision to reduce my kid’s screen time activities by 85%. As always, I’m sharing what we’re doing and what is working for us!! I hope this post helps you and encourages you. We’re in this together, mamas (and papas)!

MY STORY: WHY WE’RE GOING SCREEN-FREE

Over the past few years I noticed my boys were slipping away and hiding from the things they normally would LOVE to do like creating art, playing outside, seeing their friends, writing or reading stories. I noticed they were more reactive and short-tempered and we were no longer able to even have normal conversations at the dinner table without everything leading back to screens. We made the choice in our home to take away their devices and delay getting them phones to allow them to be ENGAGED with life and be bored.

THE RESEARCH BEHIND UNPLUGGED PARENTING

I have made it a priority to delve into the wealth of research on screen time and children and included some resources below. I am also currently reading Jonathan Haidt’s book, The Anxious Generation. Studies have linked excessive screen exposure to delayed development, sleep disturbances, and heightened anxiety underscored the urgency of our decision. Because of this we have decided to set clear boundaries and cultivate healthier screen habits in our home.

Jonathan Haidt in his article in The Atlantic writes, “Rates of depression and anxiety in the United States—fairly stable in the 2000s—rose by more than 50% in many studies from 2010 to 2019. The suicide rate rose 48 percent for adolescents 10 to 19. For girls it rose 131 percent.”

He also says “My claim is that the new phone-based childhood that took shape roughly 12 years ago is making young people sick and blocking their progress to flourishing in adulthood. We need a dramatic cultural correction, and we need it now.”

ESTABLISHING CLEAR BOUNDARIES

Implementing our vision of a screen-free home for our kids required CLEAR and defined boundaries. Like any detox, the first few days are the hardest but soon you’ll be able to replace the habit or “addiction” with something positive.

Here’s what worked for us:

First, we started with only screen-free on school days with limited screen time on weekends
We then moved to zero personal, unmonitored screen time or personal devices unless monitored or approved

I recognize we live in a tech-forward society, and in no way will I be hindering them from being tech savvy. This is not all or nothing. They have computers they use at school and over time we may shift the boundaries. My oldest will be entering high school and as trust is established, boundaries can be re-evaluated.

What’s currently not allowed in our home?

Social media of any form (TikTok, YouTube, IG, Snapchat)
Video games by themselves
Having their own device on their body or their room (no Apple Watch, cell phone, iPad or computer)

What screen activities are allowed?

Educational - drawing websites, Kahn academy, etc.
Coding
Online, classes courses & workshops
Documentaries + family movies

Jonathan Haidt offers these 4 norms in his book:

No smartphone until High School
No social media until 16
Phone-free schools
More independence, free-play and responsibility in the real-world

TIPS FOR REPLACING SCREEN TIME

Social media, digital devices and screens are an addiction for our children’s brains. In an article I came across, Dr. Nancy Deangelis CRNP, Director of Behavioral Health said, “Social media platforms drive surges of dopamine to the brain to keep consumers coming back over and over again. The shares, likes and comments on these platforms trigger the brain’s reward center, resulting in a high similar to the one people feel when gambling or using drugs.”

Once you take away the screen time you need to fill the space with activities to replace it – especially at the beginning. It can be simple, get back to the basics. We create Activity Baskets in our home for each kid full of books, games, or toys they can turn to when they feel “bored” and are asking to go on a device. We have also created Resturaunt Tote Bags that we leave packed by the door to grab when we’re going to appointments or restaurants. Finally, let them be bored! Boredom fuels our inner artist, creator, or entrepreneur.

THE JOY OF CONNECTION: REDISCOVERING THE BEAUTY OF UNPLUGGED MOMENTS

Witnessing my childrens’ newfound enthusiasm for outdoor adventures, creative pursuits, and quality family time reaffirmed our decision. They are playing more piano + singing, re-engaging in sports and having way more in person time with friends and are fully present in their lives. Both of my boys’ grades have gone up in school in just a few short months of pulling back in this way. They have been playing together and with their sister way more and for longer bursts of time. My middle son has read more books in 2 months than he did in 2 years.

There are good days and bad days, like anything in life, but one thing I KNOW for sure is the benefits have outweighed the negative x1000. They are fully present, less reactive and more creative.They are recognizing when their body needs something like sleep or water and learning how to self-soothe rather than immediately turning to that quick dopamine hit.

I have no problem being the bad guy here. It’s also been so much easier to enforce when we have clear boundaries like no personal devices, screen time used ONLY for learning/educational purposes and watching shows/movies as a family. You have to woman up. It’s your job to protect their childhoods and nurture their futures.

By prioritizing human connection over digital distractions, we've rekindled the joy of shared experiences and deepened our family connections. As we continue to navigate this path, we invite others to join us in embracing the beauty of unplugged living and nurturing authentic connections in an increasingly digital world.